The Black Hole of Addiction
Drinking all started out as fun and games.
The courage it gave me made me feel powerful beyond measure.
I finally fit in which is what I always strived for.
I was life of the party once and for all.
Without alcohol, I lost my abilities.
Consequences ensued but it was ok,
because the elixir I found took the pain away.
I went from drinking for fun, to drinking and using to forget about my problems in the blink of an eye.
The help it was giving me was only a lie.
I lied to myself so often that I began believing my own lies.
My life was being sucked into a vortex so quickly.
The only things that seemed to block out my own thoughts of misery were drugs and alcohol.
Life was so out of control, that I had to use more and more to forget about those responsibilities.
Before I knew it, I was on the verge of losing everything.
I hated my life and saw no way out.
Even all of the drugs and alcohol in the world could no longer numb the pains.
One day it became clear that I was addicted.
I was addicted to all of the things that made me forget.
I was addicted to forgetting about responsibilities.
I knew that if I continued going down that black hole, that I would lose everything including my life.
April of 2013, I admitted my problems.
It was as if a thousand pounds of weight was lifted off of my shoulders.
"I am going to take life by the horns."
Ever since, I have.
I see now, more clearly than ever, the black hole of addiction.
I see how it starts and I see how it grows.
I see today, the only two outcomes of addiction...misery which often leads to death, or asking for help which leads to a new beginning on life.
We can either succumb to the stigmas or we can overcome them.
I always say, "Ask yourself this...will it matter what someone else thinks about you towards the end of your lifetime, or will it matter more what you think of you towards the end of your lifetime?"